forcing myself to listen to music i’ve downloaded in the past

I just watched gossip girl……………………….

well done.

long & short of it all, this has ended:

& this is really funny:

and i saw this and couldn’t resist:

I think episode 22 was the finale, for the season.. idk.

I need to do something productive before my head explodes. I don’t even have the desire to think, question issues, let alone organize them to convince myself and others. I am so bored. And it’s something inside me which actually craves this boredom and doesn’t want to let go of it, if not I’ll look for something to criticize, something to be pissed about. I’m actually disinterested and bored.

Honestly, I feel like I’m conforming. Why? Idk, but I suspect it’s something to do with the fact that I have too much time before school starts & my friends seem to have concrete plans for the holidays and my lack of planned time makes me feel inadequate and depressed, lazy because I feel that I cannot do anything. When June ends, I am going to cry of boredom.

So.. yeaah.. I want to buy new clothes.

Immediate satisfaction > long-term gain. Doing everything I didn’t do during the semester. ^_______^

BYE

ohmygaaawd!!

HYAK HYAK HYAK

i tell myself that people aren’t all that crazy

5 more days… I have to do well this semester, my whole life depends on it

Anyway, I just wanted to say that the GE 2011 are really… something. The fact that your friends have a say in deciding our government is frankly terrifying. Also.. I don’t mean to be rude, but the opposition (apart from WP and SDP of course), seem to be really ill-equipped to even run.. I don’t know how to put this without sounding like a big fan of big daddy, but I think they’re right when they say that they want the smartest, brightest and most capable to run the country, to make inside decisions and to have long-term gains, even if it meant short-term sacrifices. It’s rare to see a government like this where the people actually benefitted exponentially from that party, and yet there are some crazy people out there who want to oust that party out of power by ‘voting for  the opposition’ just because they now exist?! I know nothing major’s going to happen but it infuriates me when people say things like that. That’s when I feel like there’s a desperate need to educate voters before they vote..

The multiparty system, even a two party system, can never work in Singapore… I feel that there are 3 reasons why you need a multiparty systems. a) strong ethnic groups, b) strong regional movements and c) politicized public.

Now a) is true, but thanks to the G’s decisions of the past, we have strong yet politically weak ethnic groups. Groups which have cultural power, but do not have major political power. Keep them subjugated cause the man knows what’s best for us (he really does, I mean LOOK at our standard of living today.)

b) is totally out of the question, is Punggol asking for independence? A related req. would be that the groups must be an ‘imagined community’ of their own, somehow. Maybe not necessarily same language, same culture, but some sense of solidarity and shared bonds and all that jazz. But noooooo, we don’t feel that way. Firstly (and most importantly), we’re too small, and secondly, why do we want to separate from the core?!!! I don’t even need to elaborate on this to show how imposs this is…

c) is what I was referring to……. I think people like to compare and comparing countries’ political systems isn’t a good idea, as you take it out of context and you simply try to show that ours isn’t ‘good enough’ as it doesn’t have for example, competition for political office, or freedom of press and media, or idk.. whatever the freedom house says is ‘required’ for a proper democracy?? Oh gosh, I cannot understand why people don’t see what’s good for them, yes yesss you may say that there are signs of disintegration but then again that’s not what people are thinking about, that’s what people who are.. better informed.. think about that. The not so informed only care that they finally get to vote for the opposition.

If you want to talk about ‘cracks in leadership’ and all that, I don’t know what to say….. because I’m not an expert on this but I know that I am frustrated with a few, with their attitudes regarding this.

Anyway. I have been studying the UK’s political system and I watched a few videos on debates in the House of Commons and woow I really didn’t know it was so… uncivilized. I always imagined parliamentary debates to be quiet, subdued and organized, but it really looked like a normal debate! I liiike. Of course other countries’ systems are even crazier, who could forget that video of Le Pen and his crazy nationalistic outburst..

Did I mention that I saw a video of a Czech president stealing a pen? Was he a president? Or a prime minister? Or Slovakian? OH GOD MY MEMORY.

Okay, back to work. I took 1 entire day to read 5 pages. I did go to Chinatown, so yeahh….. Gonna start on making summaries for next Thursday!
Ciao~

i don’t mean to complain, but i really feel so helpless

I can’t study

I think I am officially dependent on coffee to stay awake, stay alert and to stay focused. <3

 

Anyway, 1 last assignment to do before I can finally start studying for finals. 7 pages of .. something.  I can only critique since I don’t even understand it fully to formulate testable hypotheses, or even criticize the assumptions. I’m so screwed, basing my entire argument on applicability. Fearing that I will be shot down for not being ‘academic’ enough. Sigh. I need a really good grade for my AAR and this essay to make me feel good, going into the exam hall knowing that I didn’t do so badly, so my finals aren’t that important in comparision. Yes.

 

I tell myself everyday, to stop being so caluclative and instead, to start doing the work itself, but nooo, I just HAVE to keep looking at the big picture…….

 

7 pages, double-spaced. No problem. Academic, focused, relevant, intelligent. Big problem. HELP!

 

Ok, bye ):

Bonne chance~

Random photos I like

I found some random photos to remind me of memorable moments thus far:

ICS Bazaar #2: we took so many photos that day(:
And I think

A Tuesday with Beevs and I can’t remember what the date was but it was at the LOUSY Swenson’s at Vivo.

When I swapped phones with my sister to realize that the iPhone vs. BlackBerry debate is dead. iPhone wins HANDS DOWN. Sorry2say.

Went for dinner with the family. Indian Wok’s interior decor is (Y).

THIS IS THE CREEPIEST PHOTO EVER.  Sylvia’s on the left, I’m on the right but we MERGED and we look like each other? =/ And the thing is that this was taken on Photobooth with some weird effect. I really find this SO WEIRD.

That concludes my pointless post on random photos I have decided to upload onto this blog.

Bye.

I’m this close to giving up…

No I refuse to help you because I can’t even help myself so don’t expect me to be nice to you from now on. I know it sounds selfish but then I am never doing what I want and I’m always having to be socially proper and politically correct but when will I ever get my chance? Sometimes I feel like living in a cave on the edge of the earth (yes, I know that’s not really possible, whatever). Shut myself off from the world……. Argh.

When I attempt to ‘study smart’, I feel like I’m not studying enough. I end up wasting time, in my honest opinion. But when I ‘study hard’, it doesn’t translate into good grades! But the thing is I haven’t gotten many assignments back so I haven’t exactly had the opportunity to evaluate if my strategy for this semester has been good so far.

It’s so hard to write an essay on Europe when you’re an Asian and you’ve only studied Asian contexts before, and to actually attempt to comprehend this vast literature on political cultures in Europe and how voters behave, how politics is structured, how the welfare system works out, why there are regional vs. federal issues, and so on… It’s incredibly difficult. I think I don’t have the aptitude to retain all this information, but I am genuinely interested in why Italy is so divided and why France is so statist. I really am.

So. Yes. I have come to this decision that I must try my best no matter how hard it is, regardless of whether I’m sinking/struggling/dying.

Omg. I forgot what I wanted to say…..

Now I feel like going jogging… Shall continue this another time. Bye.

I’m really stuck

If I tell you what I’m going to do, you’re not going to do it, then you tell someone else that you’re doing something else, then there would be a significant small probability that that 3rd person would do the same thing I did, thereby defeating the purpose of telling anyone at all — without telling anyone, however, you reduce the chance of this indirect ripple effect, but you also feel uncertain and psychologically torture yourself wondering if anyone else is doing the same thing you’re doing.

This is why I am not able to decide on a question for my European politics essay. I simply can’t decide

Shades of a catch-22 situation? Not quite.. I should begin to seriously think about the 3 topics I have narrowed down. I can’t even begin to think of how much I have to read to respond adequately.

Sigh.

Something’s going on, on tv, about Libya. Why does the media always have ‘hot topics’? I mean that’s a stupid question, but the media is unabashedly human.. they only desire to gain profits and a large audience. As an individual, I wouldn’t do that.. seems too greedy for me. But we’ll see what I say in a few years.

Adios~

In Retrospect…

It’s really how you say things, and where you say it, and who you say it to. What you say, doesn’t really matter but the rest certainly are extremely important.

How do you phrase what you are about to say? Do you want to console the person? To please the person? To identify with the person? To make the person feel threatened? To genuinely help the person? To put the person down? To make the person feel inadequate? To show off what you know? To merely state a fact and expect a reaction? Does that reaction really matter to you? Do you expect a negative or positive one? Do you expect any reaction at all?

Do you even care? So many questions go through our head in a nanosecond before we open our mouths and talk. How is our brain even able to prioritize, process, evaluate and phrase in such a short period of time?

Where are you? In front, beside, behind the person? Online, offline? Far away, nearby? On the phone, through the door? When you speak to a person and your voice becomes the main carrier of the message, it is easy to identify your tone and your intentions perhaps. Your mood or something. But what happens if it’s reduced to words, phrases, sentences. Emails, letters, status updates, tweets… anything. Where are you expressing yourself? Where are you, geographically, if you’re expressing yourself verbally?

Who do you say it to? This is understood so I don’t want to elaborate. This question depends on your perception of the person’s status, relevance to you, etc, etc. How the person is related (or unrelated) to you is one of the most important reasons why you would phrase your words/sentences in a specific way.

Then it all boils down to what you say. Which then matters less as it is then contingent on how you say it, as sometimes even if you are saying something like “You look nice today.” can depend on your tone, your intention, your body language even. Do you think through what you say? Do you think it is ‘intelligent’? Does it add value to the conversation? Does it make sense? Is it based on observation or is it a biased opinion? What do you feel about what you’re saying?

I suppose between friends it wouldn’t be of use to analyze everything you’re about to say as your friends would certainly forgive you and grant you the benefit of the doubt, but what would a person of authority or a mere acquaintance think? Or any other person outside your immediate social circle.

There’s just so much at stake, and sometimes it scares me. It brings me back to the times when I feel like I have nothing to say because I don’t deem it as ‘good enough’. But as of late, I haven’t been that way. I have been relatively free and open with my opinions and my speech. I feel like I have to constrain myself to prevent any damage which would be purely unintended.

I need to shut up. Listen to everyone. Understand.

On a side note, why it is so difficult for one to do well when one is among peers of equal or even superior intellect? What can one do when faced with exams or assignments where one has to outdo these peers and prove one worthy of ‘good’ grades? I know it’s ‘part of life’ to learn how to deal with this but isn’t there a shortcut, to liberate me from this torturous journey I have willingly chosen to undertake?

Although I would never, ever ‘go back in time’.

 

Bad.

I don’t know if anyone reads this but for my sake:

You need to start working harder. You have dreams which cannot be achieved at this rate.

I am guilty – I sleep too much. Sloth. Sin.

 

 

Boring.

When I see new words (big words), I get worried. I wiki them, I look them up in the dictionary, I find references etc. Then I understand. The next time I read it, I remember all that I’ve researched, on that one word.

Then comes another word. The process repeats.

So by the time I’m at my 20th word, I get fed up. Plus my battery’s low and I can’t connect it to a power source.

So I give up. I just pretend to understand the word. What happens?
I don’t understand the entire argument, the description, and I miss out.

Then when I feel guilty, the cycle repeats. Only variable is battery power, so far. I haven’t isolated any others.

Depressing. Really.

Now it’s back to ‘corporatism’ and regime types in Europe.

Bye.

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.